I AM THE KILLERMONKEY HAHAHA!!!

(from Doc Albert’s Blog)

1. Ninety percent of the shows of our local tv channels comprises of soap operas.

2. Ordinary people like a SM saleslady or a high school student carry two cellphones at the same time.

3. Adults have an odd fascination to be cute by including unnecessary words such as ”po” and ”kaya” in what they are saying.

4. Celebrities who cannot sing can become best selling recording artists just by the stature of their fame.

5. Tsinelas is a fashion statement as long as it is Havaianas.

6. Taxi drivers have the right to refuse passengers with outrageous reasons such as ”trapik,” “kakain pa” and my favorite ”di doon ang daan ko.”

7. A tv show that was suspended can continue with its airing with the same cast and format as long as it bears a new temporary show title.

8. The long forgotten career of Air Supply is very much alive in every home and karaoke joints.

9. People fulfill their overwhelming desire to be white by seeking the pharmaceutical aid of gluthatione.

10. FM radio stations are contaminated by loud, unfunny andjolog-speaking disc jockeys who obligatorily laugh at their own jokes.

11. A pambahay is synonymous to a swimwear as evident by the t-shirt and shorts wearing females and basketball shorts clad men who frolic in public swimming pools and beaches.

12. Local tv channels nowadays are like a peryahan with the mushrooming talent shows blatantly copied from Britain’s Got Talent.

13. Customers go to Starbucks not for the beverage but more for the purpose of human pollution.

14. Students and most especially workers enjoy an insane number of breaks from holidays. This, considering we’re a third world nation who needs to generate more money.

15. Despite being just an obvious marketing ploy by tv networks and film outfits, people still have a strong conviction that showbiz love teams are real.

16. A mother or yaya believes that a stranger who finds her baby cute should wipe his laway to the poor toddler to counteract the power of usog. Never mind if the laway is filthy and possibly infectious.

17. The poorer the family is, the greater number of members it has. Sex, therefore, is a national past time among those in the poverty line.

18. Action stars and comedians usually have in their films young leading ladies that could pass as their daughters in real life.

19. Birit is regarded as the greatest form of musical talent.

20. A local woman who you see dating a white man in a mall most probably looks like a chimay.

21. Noontime variety shows are polluted by noisy and shallow hosts, orchestrated clapping, moronic novelty theme songs, choreographed audience merrymaking, badly lipsynched song numbers, premeditated crying and retardate acting contestants.

22. The best way to gain fame and fortune in showbiz and politics is by publicly declaring that you are ”laki sa hirap” or”para sa mahirap.” 

23. Young people are into music whose lyrics they don’t even understand. Music that superficially dwells on fancy clothes, flashy choreography and artists who spend most of their time trying to be cute on camera.

24. An artista is not afraid of overexposure. Thereby, he or she can star in two to three shows in one day, aside from having a movie currently showing.

25. Local award shows for movies are polluted with inanities such as production numbers by the hottest teen stars that have nothing to do with the roster of film nominees and special awards like ”Snacku Star Of The Night.”

26. A person can become president solely by virtue of his parents’ legacy.

27. Only one type of local movies sells in the box office—- mediocre formulaic romantic flicks by Star Cinema.

28. A record or album can reach multi-platinum status despite containing mostly recycled materials.

29. The remnants of an overthrown dictatorship hold government positions. A once incarcerated former president has a chance to be reelected. A current leader who holds the highest position in the land is allowed to conspicuously run for a lower position.

30. A tv station is like a religion. People coined themselves as either a Kapuso or Kapamilya and wage war against each other for the sake of their beloved tv networks.

Dahil sa nauuso nanamang muli ang Knock-Knock Jokes. Eto ang ilan sa mganapulot kong Knock-Knock Jokes mula sa mga kaibigan ko dito sa Elbi, pati na rin yung mga taong hindi ko kilala pero pinakinggan ko ang Knock-Knock nila habang naglalakad. Wee. Wag ng kumontra kung corny. :]

Ganito na lang ang scheme para tipid sa space.

Knock! Knock!  

Who’s there?

______.

______ who?

______. (music)

1. Cashew Nut. Don’t tell me you’re sorry Cashew Nut. ~
2. Ginabing Kokey. Just dance, ginabing kokey. Dadoodoom. 
3. Come back to me. Come back to me bok ang puso. Wala ka ng magagawa kundi sundin ito.
4. Kangkong, Kangkong, Greenwich, Tomato. New York..kangkong, kangkong, greenwich, tomato. Now you’re in New York! New York!
5. Sinigang. Sinigaaang! Sandal ka lang. At wag mong pipigilan.~
6. Solusyon. Solusyon, sa Visayas, at sa Mindanao! 
7. Civil War. Civil war ang tunay na mahirap. Civil war ang tunay na may malasakit.
8. Inday. Indaaaaaay will always love you.
9. Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne yooou forever. Deep inside my heart it’s yooou forever.
10. Ay Dyusko! Ay dyusko to say I love you, Ay dyusko to say how much I care.
11. Phone na Nokia. Phone na Nokia, di sinasadya. Di kayang magtapat ang puso ko.
12. Kamuning. Kamuning get me, get me, get me. Baby i’m yours. Kaamuning get me.
13. Russian Patay. Wise men say, only fools Russian, patay can’t help, fallin in love with you.
14. Terminal. Terminal..every now and then i get a little bit lonely..
15. Alfred. Alfred my wings and i learned how to fly..
16. Bumili ng bagong folding bed. Bumili ng bagong folding bed (mad at you).
17. Pikachu. No, I don’t wanna go to bed (pikachu).
18. Fire, apoy. If fire apoy, I think I could understand.
19. River boat. River boat young when I first saw you. I close my eyes.
20. Lady Gaga. Kung Lady Gaga ka.. sa piling ng iba..
21. Para, Mamang Taxi. I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me. Para, mamang taxi.
22. Nido Gatas. I Nido boo, gatas see you boo.. and the hearts all over the world tonight. said the hearts all over the world tonight.
23. I-autoload mo ako. How much? Magkano? Nothing’s gonna change my love for you, i-autoload mo ko. how much? magkano?
24. Soon to Open: Pan de Manila. Uno, dos, tres, soon to open Pan de Manila.
25. Pritong Saba, Pritong Mani, Sinigang, Kare-kare. Pritong saba, pritong mani, sinigang, kare-kare. Hallelu— Hallelujah.
26. Tagabitbit Putobumbong. Tagabitbit. Tagabitbit. Tagabet bet bet bet bet. Putobumbong. putobumbong. Putobumbong.
27. Kabag Again. Now i’m speechless, over the edge of this breathless. I never thought that I would catch this, the kabag again.
28. Melon, Kangkong, Mais, Gulaman, Talong. Melon kangkang mais gulaman. Maari bang mag-talong?
29. Medicine. Bayang magiliw.. medi-cine.
30. Kinurot ko. Kinurut-kurot ko pa. Kinurot ko. Kinurut-kurot ko pa. (intro - always be my baby - mariah)
31. The Hill and Cow. The hill and cow ang sigaw ng puso ko. Ikaw ang nasa isip ko.
32. Honda. Honda first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.
33. Honda ulit! Honda wings of love! Up and above the clouds the only way to fly, is Honda Wings of Love.
34. Pacquiao. But it’s over now. Come on and take Pacquiaooo.
35. Lasengga. All lasengga ladies. All lasengga ladies. Put your hands up!
36. Twenty-one. 7 + 7 + 7.. Twenty-one.. 7 x 7 x 7, yan ang hindi ko alam!
37. BDO. Watch me on your BDO Phone. BDO phone.
38. Dina Bonnevie, Gary V. Dina Bonnevie my lover, Gary V with my friends.
39. Lactum. I Lactum move it move it!
40. Pekpek. You are~ pekpek. you are~ pekpek.
41. Pulis may wang-wang. Pulis may wang-wang-wang! Shorty fire burning on the dance floor. Ooh~
42. Tuna Pie. Tuna pie, tuna limit, tuna wall~ for a chance to be with you i’d rather risk it all. Tuna pie, tuna fever come what may! ~
43. China. Chinaaa~ ika’y muling makita ko. Damhin ang tibok ng puso mo.
44. Buko Shake. Voulez buko shake avec moi ce soir. Voulez buko shake avec moi ye ye ye ye.
45. Mighty Mouse. Mighty mouse outside Chicago. Can’t stop driving I don’t know why~
46. Brunei. May nagmamahal, aakay sa’yo. Aking Brunei ikaw ang nagbigay ng buhay kooo~
47. What can be? What can be? bitiw bigla. What can be? bitiw bigla. Higpitan lang ang yong kapit..
48. Coca Cola. Coca cola lang sana ang iyong minahal, di ka na muling mag-iisa.
49. We were Aswang. We were aswang babe. For a moment in time.
50. Little Manuel. I’m not crazy, I’m just a little manuel. I know, right know you can’t tell.
51. Abby. Abby loving you~ forever! Deep inside my heart its you. Forever.
52. Lesbians. So lesbians, lesbians for love. Lesbians, lesbians tonight!
53. I’m a friend. I’m a friend to fly. and I don’t know why?
54. Korina - Mar Roxas. Oooh~ ooh~ Korina-Mar Roxas. 
55. MOA. Girl you know MOAAA, girl you know MOAAA. (birthday sex)
56. Thesis. Thesis the moment, my final test.
57. Cheesy palaman sa tasty. No he ca’t read my poker face (cheesy-palaman-sa-tasty). popopoker face popopoker face.
58. New Zealand. New Zealand ka sa mundong ito. Laking tuwa ng magulang mo.
59. Knock knock. Knock knockaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura?
60. Canada. Nakaligo Canada sa dagat ng basura? (OMFVillar! WTF! LSS!)
61. Joana. I joana close my eyes! I joanna fall asleep.
62. Pussy Cat. Mag-pussycat! mag-pussycat. Dito sa showtime lahat tayo pussycat!

Haha. Shet. Wala lang. Bored lang ako. Eto lang ang ginagawa ko habang inaabangan ang pagbubukas ng UPLB - SystemOne (computerized registration system). :]

(nahimatay) kumpleto na ang 1 week ko X